.Crazy.Serious.

What you see is not always what you get.


I'm releasing my inner 'awk-awk'.

At last, I have reverted back to the old me (at least the old me after high school). I am proud to release the INNER AWK-AWK in me! *big CLAP*

Awk-awk = ok-ok = oc-oc = Obsessive compulsiveness. Get it?

You all know the technical meaning of this, uh, disorder. OCD, as what the National Institute of Mental Health says, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, 'is an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions).'

When I think of OCD, The Monk (among many) always comes into mind with his weird ways of going about his investigations.

That's the true OCD.


But I am using it in a different context. In UP context, ok-ok is the disposition of a student who seems to be caught up in detail. In a way, an ok-ok person is a perfectionist. He/She wants everything well laid out. It is as if he/she wants not only to excel academically but aesthetically as well.

I met a lot of people I consider ok-ok. I don't think it'd be taken as a compliment but I did learn a lot from them.

A good friend of mine had Arnis as her P.E. I was so impressed when I saw her Arnis bag intricately designed with circles with a gradient pink color. She said she made it with cross-stitch threads and glued them together string by string! I was so amazed that I blurted out 'Ang ok-ok!' She looked at me as if she was insulted. So, I don't really know.

Being ok-ok is fine with me. In fact, I am joyously bathing myself with the idea. I never once did anything creative or effort-oriented that I deemed unnecessary. When my classmates' books are covered with colorful papers, mine is bare. I never even had pity to cover it with plastic! Also, I'd only write my surname just to avoid losing it. IT saves time and effort. I never cared to write anything more.


Maybe because I learned more about myself, I learned how to accept who I am. I knew somewhere deep down that I am as ok-ok as anyone could be. So yes, I am a proud ok-ok. And I hope my creative juices will be sufficient for the whole college years.

Although my books are still not plastic covered, their original covers are still intact.^_^

What you see is not always what you get.


It has been a while since my last update. There were just too many things I needed to finish in school. The toxicity level almost went up as high as, uh, an overdose of an effective 'depressant'. It was like trying to keep my head afloat the fast current. But a big YAY! I survived.


First things first, my sister topped eight in the recent Pharmacy Licensure Exam. (Like, yeah so?) HAHA!


That's a 5-minute standing ovation for her! We were all so happy and so ecstatic. She was still so high on it when it started wearing off on me but it was her day so I was not going to kill her joy.^_^ My parents went to visit us that weekend (the results got out last Friday?).


We went to visit our mom's friend and our lola (actually our lolo's sister). Everywhere we'd go, my mom would always talk about how Ate Avi's topped the the boards and start sharing her story. Sometimes the story's all mixed up but that's just our mom. She has the tendency to do that. It adds to her charm!^_^


Maybe the only thing I don't like about the news is that now my mom's so fixed about me taking MedTech Boards! Argh. Now the pressure is on me.*_* I don't want to take that freaking exam. It's scary. (Yeah, so what if I'm a scare-dy cat?) And he's going to take that, too. I think.


Anyway, I still have 3 more years to work on that. So I'll be chilling for the meantime.


So there's something that's been bugging me for quite a while now - okay, so maybe 3 days.
The fact that I don't know which is better among the following gives me the creeps.

1. Being a jack of all trades yet a master of nothing or
2. To be a master of one thing but ignorant of anything else.


I once said in my previous post that I want to be the 'medieval' character or, as what Freddie Prince said in his show, a renaissance woman. I want to be good at everything. But I also said in my other posts, that I want to be known in a certain field. I want to be an instigator of something radical that will be my legacy.


I want to have the best of both worlds. I want to do those two in this lifetime. But I can't help thinking that successful people didn't really have the first. They were too absorbed with their only 'hobby' and didn't have time for others. And I think that is the reason why they are so darning successful.


I haven't had time to really ponder on this. But so far, I have yet to reconcile this with my plans and dreams.


Argh, I'm twisted. *At least I am not talking about him anymore, huh?*

What you see is not always what you get.

Speaking one's mind is everybody's right. No one can and should tell you what and what not to say. This is the use of our free will and living would be completely insignificant if we deny ourselves the natural right to opinion.

We all have different points of view. All are equal and should be respected with the same degree.

This right, however, should always come in pair with a regulator. One should always examine the situation before actually commenting. This is where opinions differ. Some people just lash out without thoroughly thinking everything through. They just say what they want to say without realizing the consequences of their actions. They usually end up hurting not only the persons involved, but they themselves. They are too frank and too straightforward.

Others are too weak. These persons think. Yes, they can weigh the different sides of the story but they never really decide which side they are on. They'd rather agree on everything. They may point out and throw in a few points to further the cause but in the end, they really had no say. They just copied what others thought. I am not saying this is not a good thing. They might have been thinking of the same thing but has only actualized it after being exposed to others' ideas.

Others are perfect. I am not pertaining to never-wrong-always-right decision makers. I am speaking of the people who know how to decide all by themselves and are willing to make adjustments after a few effective outside influences. They may never be right, but at least they could be proud about being the one making the error and learning from it.

Nothing beats first-hand experience.

So who is who? I think I am a weak thinker. I usually agree on everything someone tells me. (Of course, only from those I look up to) I love establishing my beliefs based on what is effective for others. But then again, I still think I do have my own opinions for some things. So I could be a mix of the last two. I could also be too frank. That side of me, however, has been buried ages ago. She may haunt me once in a blue moon when I'm with my closest friends but that's the worst she can do.

I still think that the becoming of a young adult is the consequence of the parents' guidance - or lack thereof.

Ergo, I believe that a child's ability to establish his/her own beliefs is greatly, if not entirely, affected by how the parents brought him/her up.

I'm still confused. Did my parents do a good job?

What you see is not always what you get.

Tomorrow is our fourth and, hopefully (if we get exempted from the finals), last exam for the laboratory part of our summer course Zoology. I should be studying. I should be cramming my butt off trying to answer all questions in the manual. I should be finishing everything laboratory-ish - not sitting here in front of the computer making an unproductive entry about not studying for tomorrow.

I should be studying but I am not. Maybe it's because there are only tomorrow and friday before I go back to Pangasinan and finish some personal agenda. Maybe it's because there are only 4 school days left before summer classes are over. The things that keep me from studying are far from what I thought I prioritized - then.

Family is important. I should know that family should be up on my list. I am going to the premier state University not only because it offers quality education (and for personal development) but also because it is practically more affordable than others. Knowing this, I strive to graduate and get a high earning job to support my family. All these I do for them; but what would one do with all the education he/she has acquired if he/she has neglected or worse, forgotten, the reasons he has pushed so hard for it. Since my visit to Pangasinan is a family affair, it is only right for me to request for a few adjustments in school.

Psych10 in school taught us that life can be grouped into boxes where the different dimensions of your being lie. Their is family, love life, friends, school, work, and any other things you consider part of who you are. The course taught us that when in stress, you have to know that it is only one box in your polydimensional life that is 'temporarily' crumbling. If your love life sucks right now, that does not mean your whole life is ruined. You have other boxes to open and be grateful for. So when you get tired of School, why not try delving into, let's say, Internet?^_^

I love the saying 'Never let education interfere with your learning.' It holds so much ground that I could barely stop myself from laughing at my old self who thought that life is all about studying. I thought life revolved on constant studying for a far-off test. Now I realize that education is just a part of learning. There are many things we should be experiencing now. Life is too short to wait for graduation. It is even shorter to wait for retirement!


All things being said, I resolve not to study tonight. I will concentrate on my philosophies and hope that,once again, cramming will work it's magic tomorrow.

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