And there was Monica.
Chapter 1
I am a Pisces. Born on February 22, 1989 at home with a doctor and the midwife. The delivery was uneventful. My mom didn't undergo a cesarian delivery, my body parts were complete and i was not a blue baby. I was just one of the many babies born that night. It was mother's mother who gave me the name Anna after my mother, Annabelle and Monica after her nun-friend (I only remember one time with the nun and I thought she was nice). So that was how I got my name, Anna Monica. But at home, they call me Niknok. The history of that name goes way back and how I hated that nick. I once thought of it as an insult. But now I realized it was an endearment. Yes I know, I was narrow-minded. I was the crybaby and thought of my life as one compared to soap operas that are full of cheesy lines and OA actors. But I can say that alot of what happened during my childhood days has influenced what and who I am today. There are things that I am not proud of but aside from that, I'd like to think I grew upright. I have only seen 3 pictures of me as a baby and that's all the solid memory I have as a child. I am the only child that didn't go any stitching or confinement in the hospital (although I was almost confined). I am also the only child in the family who doesn't know how to ride a bike (although I am learning). I am also the only child left with my parents.
*sigh* I don't think I have written anything substantial in this blog. But who gives the meaning of substantial anyway? It is only until a few months back that I realize I do not know myself. I thought I knew myself but I guess I was wrong. I still don't know stuff that I should already know. It scares me. Two years ago, our Values Education teacher asked us if we knew ourselves and I thought "What a stupid question." But there was wisdom in it that only now did I find out. Life is full of surprises that come in the most unexpected circumstances. That's just the way it goes. You're so confident in one situation yet feel so helpless on the other. I don't know myself. I don't know my purpose and I am just wasting time. Letting each tick slip away as if they were grains of sand - innumerable and replaceable. Time won't be replaced. What is done is done. What is not done will be left undone. It sucks. It really sucks. Doesn't it?
I am a proud officer and member of Samahan ng mga Cute na Walang Magawa sa Buhay! ehem! I am Muse. hahaha!
i am crazythinker..
this is chi!
i am crazythinker..
questions...
What is the reason for us to live?
What makes the world continue its unending suffering?
Why do people do what they do?
Why do I see colors instead of black and white?
Why do I cry?
Why do I laugh?
Why do I hurt?
How could I hurt people?
Why do I think of nasty things?
Why do poeple think of nasty things?
Why do we have problems?
Why do we stand up for our rights?
Why do study?
Why do we like music?
Why do we try to fit in?
Why do we think we're much better than others?
Why do we die?
Why do we hang pictures of dead people up the wall?
Why do we think?
Why do we feel?
Why do we go to work everyday?
Why do we need cars?
Why do we need food?
Why do we buy things that are unnecessary?
Why do put on clothes that don't fit/ suit us?
Why do we buy expensive clothes when we can buy cheaper ones?
Why do we love pink?
Why do some people love black?
Why do they listen to hard rock?
Why do I like mellow tunes?
Why? why?
this is vinci and i am neat
waaaaaaaaaah! bakit walang bumibisita ng
site ko, ganun ba kaboring, population 001, maganda naman ah, dami picture
at crazy thoughts. may trivia ako, alam nyo ba kung bakit crazy thinker monica
to. hindi dahil na crazily creative ako kundi dahil nababaliw lang
ako.
-----Top...
Who's the man!?!
a man who can see life purposely.
a man who will see to it he's got it all.
a man who doesn't need Unnecessary.
a man who can live all by himself.
utangan ng bayan.
walang tinatanggihan.
a friend to all who desire to make it so.
a stranger to those who doesn't care.
a guy who can finish Final Fantasy in just a week.
a guy who can play any game.
a guy who gets scared with the picture-taking horror game.
the man who made himself what he is now.
a guy who changed he's image without realizing so.
a friend whom you will cherish forever.
a serious man who can bring humor into almost anything.
a failer who has the wit of a genius.
streetsmart guy.
loving brother.
loyal son.
a very rich guy.
a very determined, thrifty, generous, rich guy.
a guy who never asks for anything that's why everything just falls in place for him.
a guy who never gets mad. (except for one time!)
a guy who has all the patience in the world.
a guy who doesn't really go to church much but I can still say the good person in the family.
He is not Donald Trump, coz he is better than him.
He may not be the stand out, but I sure can put words that you never imagined can be put in one sentence.
He is my brother.
And I'm glad God gave me the privilege to be one of the closest people in his life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUYA!
one more day to go and the exams will be over. I think I did well but I can do better. nyahaha! I'm still lazy.. And hah! I got home early!!! yeah yeah!!! hehe.. Lately, it has been unusual for me to be home before 5pm. I'm tired. Maybe it's because I sleep too much. Maybe it's because I'm just tired. But I feel tired. I want to eat but there's no food. Except for the chips Alan gave me money to buy. HAha! They are so kind. hehe. I just want to sleep the whole night. But of course I can't. I have no time. *sigh* Life sucks big time.
oh and it will be my brother's birthday tomorrow! advance happy birthday ahiya!
i am stil not studyin for the exams. and i don't really care. (haha! as if!) it's 5 am and im just waiting for something exciting to happen. Life's so boring. i wish i could go to places.
i am crazythinker..
It's time to cram.. again..
*sigh* tomorrow's the 1st part of exams and i haven't studied yet. haha! who cares?! lolz.. anyway, i was planning to wake up at 3.15 but i kept getting these dreams.
First one : I stole something (i dont know what it was) and a guy kept on following me. My heart was really beating very fast and I didn't know what to do. I think I ran upto Bonuan (because it was desert-like) and i hid under a leafless bush and he passed be. I waited, then he came back! waaaah! so I ran upto Tapuac and slid on the closing metal gate of Kicaco and i got stuck there in the dark with i-don't-know-what while he was out there talking to me. Saying that i should just come out. Scary!
Second : We were practicing something. I dont know what it was (again!).. But in the middle of the practice, this guy i have a crush on (in real life) called me and was crying!?!? weird.. he told me he needed to talk to me because he has a problem.. so i said we were practicing. He told me to meet him tomorrow on the program. (i dont know what program!) and i was just nonchalant as if nothing exciting and unbelievable really happened.
Third : We were at Ednas. With my parents. There was a program. I don't know what we were doing at our former school with Dennis.. After the program, when everyone was about to go home, we hid inside the Dioquino's store and everyone went out to search for us. Then this girl who manages the store told us out. Then we ran to the car and he told me he has to go home because his father walk on home already (See?! i am a crazythinker!) And i was left there. I wasn't punished.. haha! We went to the Beach. i think it was Pino or Bino or Boni or Poni beach. And my aunt was there. huh?!!? and my parents of course and a cousin. I called my cousin's bro and asked where they were and i saw them through the cellphone on a long bridge full of cars. they were waving at us. and after that, they tried to send me pictures. Then i heard bickering until it became shouting. Then they fought and my parents could hear them so i just hanged up on them. The father of those cousins came to me and ask what happened and if they were fighting. I said they weren't. Dont know why i said that.
Fourth: I realized no. 2 was just a dream. and nothing like that really happened in real life. And i thought of how unreasonable and farfetched that would be since he has a perfect life... argh!
oh yeah! about the exams?! hmm.. i'll just think of a way to finish studying later this night.. *sigh*
"we shouldn't let schooling interfere with our education!!!"
oh! i forgot. It's my birthday today! hehe.. im 16.. huhu.. i don't wanna grow old!
i am crazythinker.... GrRr..
waaaaah
i am crazythinker..
two weeks notice...
i haven't really watched the whole of the movie. but i've seen it a few times starting from the middle. and i just can't help but get jealous. yeah. i can relate but i think it will still be sooooo farfetched for me to be near to what Lucy got. Yes, I am somewhat like her. but no. i just don't see myself being like her. But i want to be like her. I badly want to. But i know i can't and won't because it's just a movie. a damn good movie. ugh. Life is so unfair. Why can't i be like one of those girls in a movie. *sigh* i am a dreamer. that's all i am, a dreamer. i liked Hugh Grant. he's so cute. and so funny. and so sweet. and so thoughful. i can fall in love with someone like him.. right? i wish someone out there is like him... or am i too numb to feel? i'd rather be the former. but i think i'm not. I hate Myself. sigh....
"what baby?" "yeah! what baby?"
BaLiSonG
Your face lights up the sky on the highway.
Someday, you'll share your world with me someday.
You mesmerize me with diamond eyes;
I try to fool myself to think I'll be alright.
But I am losing all control
-My mind, my heart, my body and my soul
Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before;
You're everything I wanted and more.
To speak or not to; where to begin.
The way dilemmas I'm finding myself in.
For all I know you only see me as a friend.
I try to tell myself wake up fool;
this fairy tale's got to end.
'Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before;
You're everything I wanted (more).'
You're everything I wanted
i am crazythinker..
densio allas
These are two of my crazy and wacky friends! boy kisses boy. no malice! they just real loyal and very uh.. loving friends! hehe.. left: justin joseph jovellanos allas and dennis froilan carreon caliwag. They're sooo cute!!!
i am crazythinker..
wackos!
Lee-anne and me.. we are very very very emotional individuals. Beware!
i am crazythinker..
Come and Kill Me
come to me and i will make you see
i have the power you yourself gave me
not knowing how it's done
not caring what's to be
you surrendered and died
on your knees in front of me
i will not let Mercy take over
for you don't know her
I will not let Humility overcome me.
It is she who made you crawl.
You suck and i rule.
You lose and i win.
I'm sorry but i dont see you.
I dont see you but u see me.
It sucks.
What a Threesome!
we are such a threesome!
i am crazythinker..
it really does...
hmm.. let's see.. i am a 15 year old girl who lives on the northern part of a three-dot country in this big world. i am like any normal teenager. i eat. i sleep. i go to school. i feel emotions. i dream. i hope. and you know what?
IT SUCKS TO BE ME!
Don't you ever feel that everyone in this whole freaking world is the same. You do the same things. You take a leak. You take a dump. You need food. You need same things like comfort, affection and the like. We all are the same. You may be rich and famous. You may be sick or healthy. nonetheless, we are all the same. And for me, that sucks. I do not know why I feel this way about this. I don't know if you feel the same way but that's how i see it and that is why
IT SUCKS TO BE ME!
I don't wanna be just another girl belonging to the millions of others. I don't want to be just a girl. When I die, I want everyone to know that I died. When I accomplish something, I want people to know of my success. I want them to know me. But it's so hard to be what you want to be when you don't have the guts to do it. Really,
IT SUCKS TO BE ME!
I don't have the guts to go out of my cocoon and see the world. I am a coward. I can't get out. I can't say all the things i wanna do out loud. I'm a loser. I am worldly in its most basic meaning that i want to see and feel and enjoy and taste and grab the world in my small useless hands. I want the world. Sooo bad. But i can't do anything about it. I keep procrastinating. I keep making plans but that's just what they are. Just plain plans.
IT SUCKS TO BE ME..
I don't want to be just another casualty. I don't want to be just a student who gets high grades. I don't want to be just a daughter to my parents. I don't want to be just a friend to friends. I want the world. I apologize for being so greedy. But that is just me. I already told you:
IT SUCKS TO BE ME...
this is my dream...
Ako ay may pangarap
Ako ay may panaginip
ang mundo ay walang maskara
na nagtatago ng tunay na nadarama
Hindi mo namamalayan pero ikaw ay nagiging isa
isa sa mga maraming kawawa
mahilig magtago sa maskara
Iba't ibang gawainna iyong ginagawa
ngunit hindi para sa iyo
kundi para sa iba
Mahilig kang magbalat kayo
Takot magpakatotoo
Hindi natutong mag-isip
Hindi marunong sumisid
Ako ay may pangarap
Ako'y may panaginip
Ikaw ay handang lumaban
Ipakita ang iyong sariling katauhan
Dreamless sleeps keep me awake...
A restless sleep
Without dreams to disturb
Seeing through the blinds
Contributing to the mortals
One humbles oneself
To control the uncontrollable
No matter the pain consumed
Still swimming the vast sea
Communing to the sky
Hearing the wind
One does not see
One does not acquire
I see you through the blinds
Covering the axe
Embedded on you chest.
Licking to heal.
haaaay.... buhay..
Life is one big joke. i tell you that from first-hand experience. You can't really be serious with life coz once you do that, you end up having more wrinkles than a happy 90-yr old widow. So what do you do? Laugh your problems out. I know it won't solve your problems, but it will surely lessen the burden your carrying. Concentrating on a problem will make it more difficult for you to find the solution than when you just let it be solved by itelf.. go and think!
