.Crazy.Serious.

It's friday night! Whoopdee-doo!

In order to pull myself from the mess Kuya Mot has indirectly gotten me into, I readily agreed to hear the Wednesday mass offered for St. Josemaria Escriva, the founder of Opus Dei.

Prayers really do make miracles. I was cured of the obsession for the remaining days of this week. I never really appreciated how influential and comforting hearing mass was.

Now I do.^_^


In relation to our then topic, orientalism in the society, our history professor made us watch an underground commercial film (or maybe it was just an old movie). It was titled "M Butterfly" which was based on a play Madame Butterfly.

The movie was set in China around 1960's after the Frenchmen lost to China's defense. Basically, a French diplomat fell in love with a Chinese opera singer who, in the end, turned out to be a spy for the Chinese communists. To make the story more twisted, the spy was not a woman but a homosexual! Tough luck for that naive Frenchman. The movie ended with the European killing himself as he performed the play he saw his so-called 'butterfly' portray in front of his seventy plus cell mates.

I loved being exposed to such films. It makes me feel so small. Eagerness to achieve more than what I can grasp now overwhelms me. I can't wait to soar.


Some readings:
The New Dress by Virginia Wolf: It talks of how uncomfortable the protagonist is about braving the norms. It shows how ugly (even if just on the inside) ordinary people can get when they are placed in awkward situations.

I shamefully admit that I can somehow relate to the main character. I was a judgmental know-it-all who needed some good old boxing in the ears. Now, I have come out of it. And though I'm still a little bit afraid to hit the other line bordering the social norms, I'm doing the best I can.
Smaller and Smaller Circles by Felisa H. Batacan: It's a novel about a serial killer lurking the Payatas Area in Quezon City who targets boys 13 to 14 years of age. He/She neatly removes the heart, then the internal organs. He/She also peels of the kids' faces by cutting just under the chin, from ear to ear. The experts working on them are Jesuit priests and NBI was portrayed as an innately justice-oriented government agency who just happens to be occupied by attention-and-fame-greedy people.


I have not finished reading the story yet but I can say, as far as to what I have read, that it is nice to have this kind of literary work available to Filipino readers. After all the Nancy Drew stories, all the Detective Conan shows, all the Crime/Suspense and CSI cases, comes Smaller and Smaller Circles - a Filipino original. (Although, a few parts reminded me of Dan Brown and others).

This novel is something we, Pinoys, should be proud of. We are also getting bigger and bigger. Just like a seed that does not grow into a tree overnight, Philippines still need some watering and a cheerful song to back her up.^_^

What you see is not always what you get.


In order to keep my too-hectic-I-don't-know-what-to-do schedule on track:

I will be posting and checking my blog only during weekends.

I will finish all school works first before making shirts.

I will have to lessen my TV time!*_*


I have kept you in the back of my mind for a very long time. I tried to suppress the feelings. I did my best to stop them from showing.

Everything's all coming back now. I don't know what to do. Should I scare you away with my intensity? Or should I leave you be with me not knowing if you even remember me?

I am still in pain but I'm trying to be satisfied with what you've chosen to give and not to give me.

That's your choice and I have to live with it.

You don't want drama. I don't either. This may look like drama. But it's not.

*sigh*
*_*

What you see is not always what you get.


Robinson's Place Ermita will never be the same again.

Much has been said and done in its irregularly constructed corners.

Memories haunt me as I walk on it's territory.

Mocking me with it's activities I was never aware of.

The hands that hold show me what I lost.

The intimate smiles condemn me to sorrow.

An idle walk and a solo mind hurts me unendingly.

Burdened heart, forced happiness.

Erasing what could not be.

Living up to what I dreamed of.

The limits I once had have vanished.

Together with my treasure.

No longer will I care. No longer will I be afraid.

One chance is all I ask for.

No more mistakes. No more pretensions.

The feeling is raw.

And I'll leave it like that.

Just one more.

Hopefully, once more.

*_*

What you see is not always what you get.


Only one analogy could be very much appropriate for the overly tiring day I had in UP Manila trying to get myself enrolled.


UP Manila Enrollment:Amazing Race


Actually, any other reality shows where contestants try to get to their destinations as fast as they can are candidates. Since it was the first show that popped in my mind that day sitting in the CAS OCS office waiting for Mam Meng Montesames to entertain us, we'd settle with that.


My enrollment yesterday would not have been that difficult if only the College of Public Health had posted their list of 'shiftees' earlier than a day before enrollment and/or late registration close. Then again, I could not complain. Being accepted is more than enough consolation for that uh, afternoon exercise.


One thing that irks me and Gelian, a friend I've known since high school whom I asked to accompany me and who stayed with me until I finished (who ran, chased and wrangled the in-charge's with me), is the apparent disorganization of the system as a whole. The colleges have no care of each other's policies. They have their own ways of going about their enrollment. This means coming to a new college gladly carrying with you all the requirements informed to you by your former college is not the end. They'd tell you your papers are incomplete and that you have to obtain these from your previous college. Tough luck! Now, you have to return there and go back to the new one again.


One thing that makes UP Manila enrollment different from Amazing Race: The fact that Amazing Race gets you somewhere different all the time. In UP Manila, you'd truly master the way of finding new and shorter routes. Not because you like discovering uncharted territories but because you HAVE to. That's a skill we, UPM students, should be proud of.


Our feet would not have ached that badly, too, if only two colleges were concerned. But since second year students are still just taking GE subjects, we have to coordinate with a third college as well! We had to go and talk and plead for them to take us in and fix our papers for us. In the end, my fate still lies on the Information Management System's hands or uh, circuits?


It would have been easier if the colleges were near each other. But no. They say UP Manila is a small campus. Yes, it is. But they are forgetting that it is divided into two - CAS or the College of Arts and Sciences are located in Padre Faura while the rest are in Pedro Gil. And yes, we had to walk all the way because of the freaking third number 8 in our plate number. (It was Thursday.)


I'm not saying I had a very crappy day. In fact, Gelian and I shared so much laughter and stories that made it a little more worth our while. I even kept on telling her while we were on the run how much calories we have been burning and how fast walking is good for our health!


I really do hope my path to PH would be smoother than my entry. Then again, all will be well when Chem18 and 18.1 slots are available. ^_^

What you see is not always what you get.

Vacation is just at its peak!

Surfing in La Union is so much F.U.N.!!

For more pictures, visit me at monicapastoral.multiply.com

What you see is not always what you get.

Speaking one's mind is everybody's right. No one can and should tell you what and what not to say. This is the use of our free will and living would be completely insignificant if we deny ourselves the natural right to opinion.

We all have different points of view. All are equal and should be respected with the same degree.

This right, however, should always come in pair with a regulator. One should always examine the situation before actually commenting. This is where opinions differ. Some people just lash out without thoroughly thinking everything through. They just say what they want to say without realizing the consequences of their actions. They usually end up hurting not only the persons involved, but they themselves. They are too frank and too straightforward.

Others are too weak. These persons think. Yes, they can weigh the different sides of the story but they never really decide which side they are on. They'd rather agree on everything. They may point out and throw in a few points to further the cause but in the end, they really had no say. They just copied what others thought. I am not saying this is not a good thing. They might have been thinking of the same thing but has only actualized it after being exposed to others' ideas.

Others are perfect. I am not pertaining to never-wrong-always-right decision makers. I am speaking of the people who know how to decide all by themselves and are willing to make adjustments after a few effective outside influences. They may never be right, but at least they could be proud about being the one making the error and learning from it.

Nothing beats first-hand experience.

So who is who? I think I am a weak thinker. I usually agree on everything someone tells me. (Of course, only from those I look up to) I love establishing my beliefs based on what is effective for others. But then again, I still think I do have my own opinions for some things. So I could be a mix of the last two. I could also be too frank. That side of me, however, has been buried ages ago. She may haunt me once in a blue moon when I'm with my closest friends but that's the worst she can do.

I still think that the becoming of a young adult is the consequence of the parents' guidance - or lack thereof.

Ergo, I believe that a child's ability to establish his/her own beliefs is greatly, if not entirely, affected by how the parents brought him/her up.

I'm still confused. Did my parents do a good job?

What you see is not always what you get.

Bitterness - can we ever really avoid being bitter?

Can we really control what we really feel and turn the other cheek?

Can bitterness be curbed and directed to more productive actions?

Do people have the ability to just lay down their arms and move on?

Do we just give up on something we have invested so much on?

Being bitter is inevitable. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I should not be, I still am. So what do I do?

Do I cower? or fight?