It's scary.
I can not believe my life is frighteningly fine. My problem-free days have gone on and on and on that I can't even remember when it started.Of course, I can still remember my last 'problem' and I do recall how hellish it was. In a way, I am proud of myself because I lived through it. (HAHA! Parang ang laki ng problema eh.)
Now that I think of it, I always had problems before because I relive and rethink all the mistakes I have done. It has been my habit to think about them before sleeping and before getting up. It is even what I daydream about. It was only then that I realize how trapped I was in the past. I was a sadist of sorts trying to put my life in order with painful memories as its foundation.
I have gained my life back and I realize, there's not much to it. Maybe that's the reason why I keep going back to my foolishness - because it breaks the monotony of my life. But that's just the old me speaking. My old and sadist me just can't accept the truth that I am happy.
I usually walk around the campus alone and sometimes, I feel this giddy urge to just run around like a child or to skip my way to my next class (yeah, I do these.). It leaves me so refreshed afterwards. It is as if I can be strong amidst all the strangers in the class. This state of non-problem has brought out the child in me.^_^
But I can't help being afraid. WHY ARE there no problems? I believe that life is a cycle. It is yin and yang in a localized way. If there is health, there is illness. When there is money, there is poverty. And when there is happiness, there surely is sorrow.
I'm afraid of the hurt and pain that will hit me come the next cycle. I hope it's not that bad. Magprepray na lang ako.^_^
