Crying Inside
What you see is not always what you get.
Thought for tonight: Happiness is fleeting. There will be times when your in ecstasy having the time of your life but these times always have, and will never be without, the opposite. Sadness sucks but like happiness, it is a crucial part of life.
But, of course, we all know this.
So what am I blabbing about again?
Tonight is one of those nights. I can't believe it was just yesterday when I was walking around in my new pair of 'flipflops' and bag. The grin on my lips and the sparkle on my eyes won't even go away. I thought it was okay to be happy that way (less than boisterous laughter but more than just a smile). I was wrong. This is my down night. It sucks.
I'm stressed. I learned in Psych10 that to fight stress, we have to
1. locate the stressor
2. try to avoid these thoughts/things
Stressors: I already lost two of my closest friends because of some stupid decisions and actions. I miss them so badly.
I still do not approve of smokers (especially if they're my friends). I just feel sad and disappointed.
I guess there are only two but they've affected me so much. I shouldn't have voiced out the story about my friend. I just made it more real. I just made it final. I just made it more painful for myself.
I just want to shout and curse and cry.
I can't shout. It's almost 12. I can't curse. I don't do that anymore. I can't cry. I have no tears.
Is this what they call crying inside?
I learned a lot from my mistakes. I don't regret anything. The only thing bugging me is the feeling. It won't go away.
Hurt, please go away.
