My Last Entry About You
What you see is not always what you get.
I am a strong person.
I will not cower nor give up.
I do not mean giving up on you. - I already have.
I have learned through my stupidity
and inability to see things the way they really are.
From now on, I will no longer talk about you.
I will never speak to you again.
I will never even waste my time thinking about the should have, would have and could have.
There will never be a second time.
I am fine with that now.
This is my closure.
I can't wait for karma to strike back at you.^_^
Scratch that, I am taking the high road.
He-he. (yeah, right)
This will be my last entry about you. Never again will I concern myself of you.
I am washing my hands off you.
Good bye.
I can't even imagine us being friends. And I can't believe I'm saying this but I am fine with that.
I don't know who to thank for this enlightenment - you or my friends.
Then again, why would I give you credit for anything?
Have a nice life!^_^
Running Away
What you see is not always what you get.
There are so many things running through my head right now. I don't know what to do. I just found out that my dream was true. I had a prophecy that you would be with someone else. Last night, you somewhat confirmed it.
My poorly mended heart is breaking again. I know there this time will come - when you, who has moved on right from the start, would meet someone who could take my place.
I knew this moment will come. I knew it even if I convinced myself otherwise. What I didn't expect was for it to be this fast. 5 freaking months was all you need?! It pains me a lot to realize that after all of my 5 sorrowful months of mourning for everything that was lost, after trying to feel happy after that impersonal night, after exhausting myself in school day after day after day just to forget the hurt, you're going to slap my gift in my face.
I gave you the gift because you were special. You even said that was the greatest gift you've ever received. That was my sweet memory. When all's said and done. That is still my memory. That was mine. And you are going to use MY IDEA for your new girl?! How dare you? How can you do this to me? We have known each other for four years and I never thought you, of all people, can do such a disrespectful and insensitive thing to me.
I looked up to you even when you said all those nasty things about me. I looked up to you even when you broke my heart without giving me any valid reason. I looked up to you even when you thought so low of me. Now that I have seen every side of your personality, I don't know what to think of you anymore.
But I still love you.
You are still my source of contentment. You are still my invisible companion. You are still my comfort zone. You still make me feel happy.
I saw the masking tape on the back of my I.D. It says 143 NANI. I never saw it until this Wednesday morning. All throughout that day, I wore my ID proudly. I would feel the rough tape on my finger and feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world. No one mattered anymore. Everything seems of so little importance. I felt how it was like when we were still together.
It was the dawn of Friday when I had the horrible premonition. You were with someone. Your new love. I woke up crying. I didn't know then what I'd do if it were true. Now that it's more real, I am more at loss. I still don't know what to do.
I am in pain. I wish it could be cured by paracetamol or what not. But it's worse than that. I'm in pain and only you can ease it.
I am not demanding that you love me back. Because even if I am insanely in love with you, I know that I can't hocus pocus you to love me too. I just want closure. I at least deserve that from you. I never had that last April. I never had that last night. I want you to tell it straight to my face. I want you to tell me that you have seen someone else. I want you to tell me that you are in love with another girl. I want you to tell me that you are no longer in love with me. I want you to tell me all the things I am still doubtful of.
Then maybe I can stop hoping that the gift you're getting is still for me.
I still love you. But I can consider you 'the one who got away', if only you yourself could tell me.
We need to talk.
